so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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