i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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