How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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