I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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