bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
