I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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