Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
