So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
