butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
