is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just cut my nipple shaving
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
