Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The uberlube is also flammable
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
