I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
