Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone came in the potted fern
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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