I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
