there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
