I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
