Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
