Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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