Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
