just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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