I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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