Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
