It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
