i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
