omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize