U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
