Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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