i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize