I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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