dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
