You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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