I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
