Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
