oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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