no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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