You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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