tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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