i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
