yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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