it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
