Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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