FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
