She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
