Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
