How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
