Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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