the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
