So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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