My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
