i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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