what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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