So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
