Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
