You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
