her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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