carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
