So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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