PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
