He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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