help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
