I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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