Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
