How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
