what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
